Canoeing Mishaps, Car Lunch, and Patrick Danz: My Day in Lanesboro

Yesterday morning, around 10:30 am, Alvin and I embarked on a journey to Lanesboro, MN, a charming little town with a population of 734. According to Chad (my Jesus doppleganger coworker), its population nearly doubles during the summer because of all the tourists that come by (it's a popular spot for tubing, canoeing, kayaking, and biking, in addition to being the Bed and Breakfast Capital of Minnesota). It's always fun and relaxing to be in Lanesboro, which is why it's no surprise that it was named one of the best 20 small towns to live in 2014 by Smithsonian Magazine. 

Anyway, the big mission of the day: survive a canoeing adventure. Alvin only went canoeing once before, a long time ago, and I had never gone before. We went to the Little River General Store to check in, met a nice but super buff guy named Caleb at a spot by the river, followed him in our car to an area downstream, left our car there and went in his to go through a trail and to a spot upstream, and then got in our canoe. As I carefully stepped down into the canoe, a giant cloud of gnats engulfed me, and I thought that this might have been a bad idea. 

And it kind of was. We sucked at canoeing. But Alvin was worse than me at it (no offense to him). He wasn't the best paddler (rower?) and tended to over-paddle, which would then lead us to spin around and often run into things. Of course, my inexperience is also to be blamed, but I was the one leading us throughout the whole thing. I admit we got better during the second half of the journey, but it was still a constant struggle. We also brought Arthur, the puppy. He seemed pretty bored and annoyed due to the heat and occasional bumping of the canoe into rocks. By the time we finished, I was extremely relieved. Two hours of canoeing down a river for the first time was a lot more intense than I had imagined. 

I can't trust Alvin to man the boat while I'm taking pictures, because usually he ends up making us go in the wrong direction and/or run into something. Here's an example of something we crashed into.

This is Arthur. He's a miniature poodle puppy. Super cute and fluffy.

Alvin Faisal, Prince of Jakarta, searches the river for any sign of his jeweled crown.

By the time we got to the car, we were extremely sweaty, exhausted, and bug bite-ridden. More importantly, we were hungry. Alvin was kind enough to bring us sandwich supplies and I brought bacon cheeseburger slider flavored potato chips. Because we wanted to stay in an air conditioned area with no bugs and no other place would let us sit around and eat our own food, we decided to eat in the car. We parked in front of a theater, made sandwiches, and indulged in the car's air conditioning. It was an amazing sandwich by the way— Laughing Cow cheese, lettuce, sliced bell peppers, pepper jack cheese, and roast beef on a French baguette. 

After lunch was done, we stopped by the Slant Avenue Mercantile. It's the coolest shop in Lanesboro, no questions asked. The shop carries all sorts of useful things, including potato chip chocolates, cat butt soap, stationary, classic toys, coffee, tea, and cigar box guitars (called Bro-Jo's). It has a warm and welcoming atmosphere, and even better, dogs are allowed. 

This is Patrick. He's not actually as wide as he looks in the picture— he was just standing on a stool and his stretched out shirt and the camera angle made him look wider.

I met Patrick (the head honcho of the Mercantile) during a tenth grade English field trip to the Commonweal Theatre, and have been cool with him since. He is one of the forrealist chillest guys I have ever met. He's got a friendly aura and nice smile, and he's one of those people you just wish made self help tapes because his voice is so relaxing to listen to. He's also one of those people you wish would write an autobiography because he's so cool. From what I gather, he was an actor, lived in Oregon, and knows cool people. I am forever grateful for him, as he introduced me to my idol Lucy Michelle (formerly of the Velvet Lapelles but they changed their name to Field Trip) at a Lanesboro BBQ joint last year.

Patrick and I talked for a while. I told him about the Midwest Argonaut, and he was cool enough to hand me 7 bucks and order a copy (everybody should consider following his example). He told me he was trying to organize a local music and art festival here in Lanesboro sometime in October, and of course I told him to keep me updated and that I would definitely come. I ended up buying some Nag Champa beauty soap and Stay Away From Assholes white tea violet luxury soap from him, as well as a bottle of Wait— was that slutty? hand sanitizer that I got for Dalena. 

After feeling satisfied about my visit to the Mercantile, we left and went out for ice cream. Alvin got a vanilla, pecan, and caramel mix and I got strawberry. It was pretty good, until a random hoard of mosquitoes came out of nowhere and attacked us. We quickly finished our cones and headed to the car.

Overall, I was satisfied with my day in Lanesboro. It could've gone a lot smoother, and I wouldn't have minded not getting bug bites, but I suppose there's no such thing as an adventure without mishap. I conclude this post by suggesting that people visit Lanesboro when they get the chance. It's a real hoot.

To check out the Slant Avenue Mercantile online, click here.

To check out the Little River General Store (where we rented our canoe), click here.